Me, you and our mental health (Mental health in academia series — article 1)

(Originally written on 06/07/2020 — First lock down, DE.)

Mental health is a largely neglected topic in the world of academia. The probability of hearing this topic during a coffee break conversation or a random post-seminar chat is next to none. When you join a new department your boss will not talk to you about it or your senior colleagues will not point your attention in this direction. There will be no seminar series on this particular topic or it won’t be the highlight of any (online) conference dinner event. Let us face it, it is not a fun topic.

“Who wants to talk about depression, anxiety, or self-confidence related issues?” Well, maybe some people but it is not a topic of concern for you because all those problems are somewhere in distant lands but not in your department.

You are surrounded by a thriving community of young scientists with a can-do attitude. In your environment, one is rather encouraged to talk about his/her research topic and try to get feedback from other colleagues. During socializing events someone will try to slip in some details about their new results or strategically motivate others to discuss some interesting and stimulating topics. There will be some general discussions about cool new findings from the other groups. It is usually the time when someone will pitch in a few ideas to show how much insight they have about different topics. If the discussions are not academic then maybe it’s about sports or political news or issues like global warming, racism or gender equality. Maybe it is too much for you at times but you don’t want to come across as someone who is not competitive or someone who does not enjoy a good discussion about science. After all, science is what we live and breathe right?

There are certainly a lot of things going on around you. In all this action, there is no time to think or reflect on how you have been feeling past few days. It’s been going well so far but lately, you’ve hit a rough patch in terms of productivity. Sometimes you have wondered that maybe you’re not good enough for doing research but you’ve shoved that idea under the carpet. You know that you have done well in school and undergrad but the graduate school requires more hard work. You tell yourself that you have to focus a bit more and it would probably help to put some extra hours in learning new skills. It’s going to be okay after you take some time off from that Wednesday evening art class or your weekend sports time. Probably, you’ve done that already, and still, the research results are not showing up. Things have been slow and motivation is dying out too. Lately, you are not coming up with smart ideas to contribute during that coffee break too. You conclude that maybe it’s just better to keep away from being those interesting discussions during the coffee break for a while and just quietly scoot over to the quiet people section.

Some more weeks and months have passed and you have been through those stages already but things haven’t been better. Keeping distance is becoming the new normal now. It has been a little difficult but you are confident that things are getting better. You know that you just need some more time and with a bit more work you’ll be back in the game mode. Everything will be alright and those coffee table discussions will be enjoyable again. Most importantly, once your motivation back you will be able to enjoy your hobbies again. At least, there would be no guilt about skipping some hours from work and going out with some friends. The idea of quitting the program does appear now and then in your mind but you are committed. You know that you’re not a quitter and you might as well finish now than quit.

Some situations are making you anxious and a little show of talent is just not something you want to do. You have started avoiding people and including your overachieving friends for the moment. You think that it is probably best to stick to yourself and mind your own business while keeping full focus on work. You know that your peers are clearly way ahead of you and you may not have similar skillsets. You need to keep working hard because you need to get more skills. It is certainly difficult to focus on work while being a bit distracted but you know things will get better soon.

These are exactly the situations that many people in academia will resonate with but no one discusses it. Many academics would like to discuss such situations but do not find support. More often than not it takes quite some time to figure out that you are suffering from mental health issues. Even if you do it may take longer to find some help. First comes the realization, then comes the acceptance, and finally comes the light at the end of the tunnel with proper guidance. There is surprisingly less awareness about mental health issues and that is exactly what keeps academics away from assessing their situation correctly.

Lately, it is becoming difficult to put this topic under the carpet. Many publishing houses are putting out articles about it. However, most discussions are about how the situation is getting worse but not much about what are the measures being taken by institutions. If you ask me first thing first, there is a need for removing the taboo associated with this topic. It is still harder for many to believe that they are vulnerable to mental health issues and it is normal to have such problems. The blind obsession of climbing the academic ladder does not allow many to publicly admit that they are suffering from mental health issues or they have suffered from it in the past. Of course, one should not be forced to talk about health issues publicly but privacy is not why people hide it. It is more about credibility and feeling being judged by others. If you had mental health issues it is harder to prove that you will be efficiently churning out those research papers and win those elusive grants. How will you become a leader of a group and would you be able to manage the stress of having your students?

Nowadays, it is easier to take higher moral ground and announce your concern on the topic. For leaders, it is time to do more than talking about these issues. It would help to get to the root of the problem and solve some of them by taking action. While students need a better support system the leaders need to be educated and trained to deal with these issues. There is not shame in admitting that no one is born group leader or dept. head. It is a skill, managing people is difficult and one has to learn it.

If you are a leader ask yourself when was the last time you observed a student behaving a bit more different than usual? Do you know how to deal with a student who has mental health issues? How to create an inclusive environment in your department and how to change your behavior to become more approachable? Do you have many students and if none of them have approached you yet, does it mean they do not have mental health issues?

If you are a student, post-doc, or PI, have you been talking to your peers about your mental health issues? Did you get approached by any colleague who wanted to talk about their issues? Have you spotted a colleague struggling and offered a friendly chat? Are you aware of mental health issues and do you know about the support available at your institution to deal with mental health issues?

Certainly, there are a lot of questions and a lot of unknowns. One this is for sure is that mental health is not to be taken lightly. At least we know now that maintaining the status quo is not helping. As for me, I have often visited the bottomless pit of hopelessness. I know that I lost time in seeking help and I can tell that acceptance was the most difficult thing for me. After disclosing some of these issues to my friends and colleagues, many others came forward and told me about their issues. This is how I learned that the problem was deeply rooted in the system and yet I had never heard about it publicly. This is something that makes me committed to working more on this issue. I hope in the coming time we will create a more inclusive atmosphere and focus more on the thing that we love. The joy of discovery is priceless but the cost for it should not be losing the joy of life itself.

(*The article was supposed to be part of a blog on mental health in academia, our team was armed with enthusiastic people trying to speak up about the problem, COVID got the best of most of us and we became slow. We went through endless series of lock downs, change of jobs, change of locations etc. etc. and could not work out logistics. I am starting solo because I need to rant about this problem as much as I can and want. The person inside me screams loudly when I hear problems of my colleagues, friends, collaborators from different organizations. This post will hopefully start of a chain of articles on this topic, personal experiences, stories and many other things. It may remind you of pre-covid days. If you relate to these things, you are not alone.)